We all have that girlfriend...the one who makes every dining occasion a disaster. Aside from grabbing a few cocktails and appetizers, anything that requires ordering an entree becomes a nightmare waiting to unfold.
Well, B happens to be that friend. No matter how many times we go out to dinner, nothing is ever good for her. It has gotten to the point that we rarely mention our dinner dates to her unless we know she has to help with her mother's businesses and won't be able to attend.
This particular night, we decided to revisit the issue of dining with her for our long awaited girl's night out. Since we have all been so busy, we decided to clear our schedules and have a "catch up dinner".
Man oh man, things couldn't have been worse. I chose to go to one of my favorite Thai restaurants on 96th street in the hopes that B would realize this is a place I frequent so acting like a diva would not be in her best interest. Sitting down to the table, B already began her rant....
B:"mmmmm..."
US: "WHAT?!"
B: "Oh nothing, I can just tell my the silverware that they don't have the most up to date appliances for washing their utensils, which means who knows how sanitary these conditions are here?"
L:"B, please, that Chinese joint yall running ain't up to NO Body's code and shoulda been shut down. If it wasn't in the hood, the Health Department would have closed that shot "long time go'" "
Me: "Alright ladies, this is one of my favorite spots, so tonight check your comments--(looking at L)---and your diva status--(looking at B)--at the door and let's have a good time."
Not only did they not listen, the conversation just got worse.....B was only fixated on critiquing every detail of the restaurant, the menu, the waitress, the decor, etc. and L was only concerned about joking on how she is subscribing to the typical stereotypes of her being both Black and Asian.
Surprisingly, K and I decided to have our own little conversation where I told her I had recently taken an interest in cooking "exotic" meals which had given me something to look forward to while slaving away at the office.
When our food finally came, it was like you could hear a pin drop. We were eating as if this was the best food ever, until B took one bite and begin her food critiquing phase. Since B has worked in her mother's restaurants all her life, she has an intimate understanding of food preparation and a developed a sophisticated palate that enables her to criticize anyone's cooking with a chemists precision!
Before she even began her breakdown, I got up, paid for my food and BOUNCED. Well, I didn't really leave, I waited outside for K to come and cool me off. When B finally came outside, I left her have it.
One thing the girls know me for is my perfected art of "polite rudeness". Embedded in most Southern girls DNA is the ability to cut someone with their words in the most elegant and sophisticated way. I began to tell her how her actions were so immature and reflective of many things in her life and upbringing that aren't the best qualities an upwardly mobile individual should have. After going on for nearly a solid minute...the girls finally stopped me for fear that B would burst into tears!
I know it was wrong, but I had had enough of what was supposed to be a night of fun with the girls. After saying a cold goodbye, I hailed a cab and heading back to Harlem.
I was done dining with that diva for at least the next three months!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Gym Buddies
According to L, there are a few things that can make or break your standing in New York society. As a girl raised in the hood who navigated her way into the investment banking world, she knows a thing or two about being on the right side of New York society. One of the main things she advocates is being connected to the right gym.
While at NYU, we all pretty much didn't care about they gym other than to go and scope out guys, but L has insisted that the same thing applies. She says that, "Where you choose to work out is as important as the type of clothes you wear; it's a part of your brand." Well, my brand says that I am too cheap to care about where I go to sweat off all these extra pounds I have accumulated during my post college years. I am a proud member of Planet Fitness, that doubles as a "club" after 7PM on weeknights and costs a whopping 10 dollars a month.
However, I am a morning gym-goer and thus am part of an elite group of people that are committed to improving one's health. At 6 AM, men are not trying to get numbers, girls are not trying to look cute; people are sweating, grunting and over exerting themselves before succumbing to the 9-5 coma.
As usual, I get a call from L during my lunch break saying that she has devised another scheme to "get men"..something that has become one of the girls favorite pastimes since we left college. She got word of a networking event at her gym, Equinox, and thinks it would a great place for all four of us to meet some men.
Usually, I can think of an excuse at the drop of a dime, but somehow, L knew my schedule was free mentioning, "I know you don't have to tutor and you are free this week because I checked your calendars while we were at your apartment, so me, you B and K will be at this event tonight! Love ya...gotta go!"
As the clock strikes 5 PM and I emerge from my coma, I start to conjure up all the ways that I can exit this event early........
"oh, I just forgot, I have to pick up my dry cleaning"...
"my landlord says he needs to do routine maintenance tonight and can't reschedule"....
"I think I left the stove on...gotta run"......
In the middle of these thoughts, my cell rings and L yells loud and clear "Come downstairs, A, the company car is here to take us to the event!"
As I jump in the car, I see B, L and K dressed like some 1980's video hoes...and they look at me and say "You look like you are going to pick up the kids from soccer practice after a quick gym session"......with that being said....B, L & K whip out their beauty kits. This is something the girls frequently do, since they know I don't get dolled up for any of these New York events and can't stand to be seen with me without having "my face on".....
As we arrive at Equinox, the fun begins. L wasn't lying about the gym reflecting your status in New York Society. Some of the sexiest professional brothers in New York were at this event and I was glad that the beauty patrol took care of me in the car. The fact that we were all dressed in spandex made matters worse; there was NOTHING left to the imagination and eyes were racing up and down our silhouettes.
Being in the event reminded me of all the endless nights me B, L & K spent in the clubs in college. While they were like lionesses on the hunt, I was the friend that watched the purses, monitored where everyone was and arranged for us to leave before the club lights came on. However, tonight was different. Because I had been committed to my gym routines, all my hard work had paid off and my physique was easily one of the top ten in the room.
Men were actually coming up to me, for all the wrong reasons, but they were coming up to me nonetheless. I KNEW this was eating L alive because she craved the attention of men and usually got it because of her looks and wild girl demeanor. Also because she was glaring at me from across the room anytime another man would come to talk to me shortly after one had left.
Throughout the night, I exchanged casual conversation with lawyers, brokers, real estate agents, doctors, etc. but none of them interested me. Rather then telling me who they were, they told me what they did as if they were the sum total of their accomplishments. The attention was great, since it got under L's skin, but overall I saw no potential boos.
After the event came to a close the girls and I went out for drinks to recap the night.
L admittedly confessed she was surprised at all the attention I got and thought I should come back to participate in some of the co-ed classes/networking events the company sponsored at the gym. I declined and said Planet Fitness would be all the gym exposure I could take,.....for now.
While I usually get the short end of the stick when it comes to meeting guys during these schemes L creates, I am happy to say that this one left me feeling like I still got it!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Dressing for the Occasion
As a twenty-something working in a casual, laid-back, "hip" doctor's office, I can get away with wearing a lot of things that my girls B, L & K can't but I still don't push my luck. Somewhere ingrained in the back of my mind is that you are always under scrutiny...that while everyone else may come to work lookin' like a scrub, you better always be dressed a notch above the rest. This is in part to my Southern upbringing, but also in part to my friend L, schooling me on how to make it in the business world of New York. She has made it a point the belabor the fact that us sistahs have got to always be ahead of the pack....in all aspects. She has managed to work her way up in rank at the investment banking firm she works at so I always listen to her advice.
Needless to say, while I observe the always-dress-a-step-above rule, my coworkers have taken the liberty of showcasing their complete summer wardrobes...or lack thereof. It all started so subtly, when the summer heat started to become steady, people began shedding their winter layers. And then.....one day....BAM.....the outrageousness hit the office like a ton of bricks.
Returning to work on Monday, it's as if these ladies forgot that the weekend ended. The doctors came in decked out in dresses with their backs out....flip-flops....and exposed cleavage. The Office Manager...totally took the cake with her rendition of Daisy Duke meets New York office manager. I have never seen a professional woman wear something so provocative outside of a beach in my life. And the worst part was that they were complimenting each other on their outfits...like it was a trashy couture fashion show.
Needless to say, I had to let L, K and B know how crazy these women were so I sent them some pictures....................WHY did I do this? B, once seeing the pictures, immediately posts them to her website as the fashion mishaps of the day and casually forgets to hide their identity! Luckily.....her site hasn't taken off yet, but it was funny seeing the comments about their outfits!
Ahhhh....just when I think I can't take these clowns, they give me something to laugh at.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Throwing You Under the Bus
In the world of 9-5 there is one thing that a young, college grad must realize....and realize quickly......that the real world is all about survival of the fittest. I have learned that while my NYU degree will lend me credibility amongst the "intellectuals" at work.....the "commoners" on my job are secretly out to get me.
Not that I have anything against people that didn't go to college because some of the smartest people I know didn't go to college......like B's mom, and yet they are doing far better than I am working as a receptionist at this practice. But I do have something against my coworkers, particularly the boss's daughter Gabrielle, that don't like me because I did and who, at every opportunity, try to throw me under the bus......this all happened when I came back from the impromptu weekend with B, K and L.
Coming back on a Monday morning, I was feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the Monday morning work monster when.........BAM.....first thing in the morning, the office manager warns me that, "Dr. Goldstein went on a rampage about the labs so be on the lookout."
I felt my stomach tightening and immediately ran to the nearest computer to start assessing the damage.....the last thing I needed today was for hurricane Goldstein to wreak havoc on me at the beginning of the week.
Looking over the labs, I could see that something TERRIBLE had gone wrong......somehow the well oiled machine that I was managing suddenly seemed like a rickety old metal clunker. In the span of the two days that I was out of the office, Gabrielle had not only ruined my whole system, but managed to make it seem like it was ALL MY FAULT........I knew this meant only one thing......rely on the evidence!
A long time ago, when my work worries first began, L, my investment banking friend from the hood, told me to remember what a wise man by the name of Jay-Z once told her, "men lie, women lie, but numbers don't." With that being said, I started to gather the facts.....
One thing I had in my corner was that I personally trained Gabrielle for two straight days and had her physically do everything I was responsible for. In addition to this "on the job training", I gave her a detailed protocol of everything that had to be done.......but did she follow it? OF COURSE NOT.....she used this opportunity to get back at me for the many times that I exposed how worthless she is working in the office......
When hurricane Goldstein came, both of us were armed with our defenses, but I allowed her to go first...knowing that she would exhaust all her points in one breath. After she did it was my turn....
As Dr. Goldstein's tirade came to a pause where I was able to explain myself....I took a deep breath and began..
Me: "So based on the date of the labs, it seems like the mistakes were made on labs that came in on the days I was out of the office"
Dr.G: "Yeah, well I guess you just leave and say 'that's it, not my problem' and the whole thing falls apart"
Me:"No. I actually care about this system and am surprised that these errors occurred since I have a detailed
protocol for Gabrielle to follow and allowed her to do my entire job for two days?"
.....glancing at her I asked slyly....
"What happened while I was gone? Did you not look over the protocol?"
Dr.G: "Well, the deal is this....I have so many offices and I need this to be down pat! So make sure
everything is smooth Alyce, got it!"
Me: "OK. "
If you all could have seen her face....she looked like someone slapped her for five minutes, she was red as a radish and dumbfounded....her plan was foiled and literally came back to smack her in the face....
Although I have lost many battles to this chick....today....I was able to successful throw HER under the bus....
Not that I have anything against people that didn't go to college because some of the smartest people I know didn't go to college......like B's mom, and yet they are doing far better than I am working as a receptionist at this practice. But I do have something against my coworkers, particularly the boss's daughter Gabrielle, that don't like me because I did and who, at every opportunity, try to throw me under the bus......this all happened when I came back from the impromptu weekend with B, K and L.
Coming back on a Monday morning, I was feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the Monday morning work monster when.........BAM.....first thing in the morning, the office manager warns me that, "Dr. Goldstein went on a rampage about the labs so be on the lookout."
I felt my stomach tightening and immediately ran to the nearest computer to start assessing the damage.....the last thing I needed today was for hurricane Goldstein to wreak havoc on me at the beginning of the week.
Looking over the labs, I could see that something TERRIBLE had gone wrong......somehow the well oiled machine that I was managing suddenly seemed like a rickety old metal clunker. In the span of the two days that I was out of the office, Gabrielle had not only ruined my whole system, but managed to make it seem like it was ALL MY FAULT........I knew this meant only one thing......rely on the evidence!
A long time ago, when my work worries first began, L, my investment banking friend from the hood, told me to remember what a wise man by the name of Jay-Z once told her, "men lie, women lie, but numbers don't." With that being said, I started to gather the facts.....
One thing I had in my corner was that I personally trained Gabrielle for two straight days and had her physically do everything I was responsible for. In addition to this "on the job training", I gave her a detailed protocol of everything that had to be done.......but did she follow it? OF COURSE NOT.....she used this opportunity to get back at me for the many times that I exposed how worthless she is working in the office......
When hurricane Goldstein came, both of us were armed with our defenses, but I allowed her to go first...knowing that she would exhaust all her points in one breath. After she did it was my turn....
As Dr. Goldstein's tirade came to a pause where I was able to explain myself....I took a deep breath and began..
Me: "So based on the date of the labs, it seems like the mistakes were made on labs that came in on the days I was out of the office"
Dr.G: "Yeah, well I guess you just leave and say 'that's it, not my problem' and the whole thing falls apart"
Me:"No. I actually care about this system and am surprised that these errors occurred since I have a detailed
protocol for Gabrielle to follow and allowed her to do my entire job for two days?"
.....glancing at her I asked slyly....
"What happened while I was gone? Did you not look over the protocol?"
Dr.G: "Well, the deal is this....I have so many offices and I need this to be down pat! So make sure
everything is smooth Alyce, got it!"
Me: "OK. "
If you all could have seen her face....she looked like someone slapped her for five minutes, she was red as a radish and dumbfounded....her plan was foiled and literally came back to smack her in the face....
Although I have lost many battles to this chick....today....I was able to successful throw HER under the bus....
Friday, July 2, 2010
Summertime Preparation
The great thing about college, besides the crazy parties, is the friendships that are cemented during the short time you are there. While at NYU, I was blessed to meet 3 ladies that have changed my life--for better and for worse. Now, normally I am the conservative, reserved one out of the bunch although I do let loose when the time calls for it, but this.......this was CRAZY.
Given that it is summer time, my girls, B, L & K, convinced me that we are going to rent a car for the day and head out to the beach for some fun in the sun. I agreed since I won't be heading home for the holiday and was excited to see what they had planned. However, what I didn't know was that I had to participate in their "preparation rituals". The last time we went to the pool, I was so self conscience....why you ask?.........Well, their impromptu ambush of me at my apartment didn't lend much time to make sure I had shed my winter Chewbaka skin....needless to say....I was PISSED.
So this time, my ladies wanted me to be "prepared"
Ok, so after getting a call from B, I was instructed to meet them at V Spa after work...no questions asked. Normally when B says no questions asked....that means it's something that they all want me to do, but if I start asking questions...I will reveal how there is NO logic to their request and then ruin the entire operation.
Nevertheless.....leaving work, I met B and the girls at V spa and to my present surprise was enlisted to have my first bikini wax.....ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I nearly ran outta the store had they all three not formed a human barricade after I heard the receptionist repeat what I was scheduled for.
After my initial shock, my friends reassured me, "Alyce....we come here all the time and our 'lady', Heidi, is gentle"
I replied, "Cool, well, how about each one of you go....and after I see your reactions, I will follow suit."
They agreed and one by one they went in with their "lady" and left seemingly unscathed.
So, when it was my turn, I was relaxed, until their "lady" announced it was now her lunch break and she would be back in 30 minutes! I felt like God gave me a way out....turning to L, B and K, I announced, "Well, guess that settles that, no waxing for me!"
However, just as I was feeling like I was off the hook, a big, burly woman by the name of OLGA said she would cover for Heidi......
I could have DIED....this woman looked like she could do some MAJOR damage......nevertheless, I followed her and endured this god-awful beauty ritual.....
I swear....V Spa has that name because it specializes in the collection of V's. I felt like I left part of myself on those strips!!! How could my girls do this on a regular basis? It wasn't painful, but it wasn't a bowl of vanilla ice cream either!
Awww......anyways, I love my ladies....and this experience is what us young working stiffs do to find joy between our 9-5 prison sentences.....
Given that it is summer time, my girls, B, L & K, convinced me that we are going to rent a car for the day and head out to the beach for some fun in the sun. I agreed since I won't be heading home for the holiday and was excited to see what they had planned. However, what I didn't know was that I had to participate in their "preparation rituals". The last time we went to the pool, I was so self conscience....why you ask?.........Well, their impromptu ambush of me at my apartment didn't lend much time to make sure I had shed my winter Chewbaka skin....needless to say....I was PISSED.
So this time, my ladies wanted me to be "prepared"
Ok, so after getting a call from B, I was instructed to meet them at V Spa after work...no questions asked. Normally when B says no questions asked....that means it's something that they all want me to do, but if I start asking questions...I will reveal how there is NO logic to their request and then ruin the entire operation.
Nevertheless.....leaving work, I met B and the girls at V spa and to my present surprise was enlisted to have my first bikini wax.....ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I nearly ran outta the store had they all three not formed a human barricade after I heard the receptionist repeat what I was scheduled for.
After my initial shock, my friends reassured me, "Alyce....we come here all the time and our 'lady', Heidi, is gentle"
I replied, "Cool, well, how about each one of you go....and after I see your reactions, I will follow suit."
They agreed and one by one they went in with their "lady" and left seemingly unscathed.
So, when it was my turn, I was relaxed, until their "lady" announced it was now her lunch break and she would be back in 30 minutes! I felt like God gave me a way out....turning to L, B and K, I announced, "Well, guess that settles that, no waxing for me!"
However, just as I was feeling like I was off the hook, a big, burly woman by the name of OLGA said she would cover for Heidi......
I could have DIED....this woman looked like she could do some MAJOR damage......nevertheless, I followed her and endured this god-awful beauty ritual.....
I swear....V Spa has that name because it specializes in the collection of V's. I felt like I left part of myself on those strips!!! How could my girls do this on a regular basis? It wasn't painful, but it wasn't a bowl of vanilla ice cream either!
Awww......anyways, I love my ladies....and this experience is what us young working stiffs do to find joy between our 9-5 prison sentences.....
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Did I go to college for this?
Yesterday, the dreaded Monday monster decided to rear it's head and it's victim was....you guessed it...yours truly. For some reason, despite my efforts to organize and predict future breakdowns to my nicely crafted system, my coworkers always manage to get ME in trouble.
The stories goes like this......since I graduated from NYU, it is presumed that I am a mini Einstein, thus, I can handle the tasks of 80 workers at once and within a 9-5 time frame. While I'd like to think NYU had nothing to do with the fact that I couple common sense with time management skills, I rarely correct people that attribute my work success to NYU because it cost so much to attend that school.
Yesterday, however, my intellect came into question for reasons beyond my control. In medicine, timing is everything.....if you are late for an appointment, you ruin the day; if the doctor is late, that ruins my day (as a receptionist dealing with disgruntle patients) and most of all, if someone messes up medical paperwork that ruins the entire offices day....why?....because the tyrannical Mr.Goldstein quickly turns into Mr. Hyde
In the midst of his rant....he proclaims that with all these college educated people working for him, why isn't his system for lab work working? Of course he doesn't think it is working because he doesn't know how the system he devised is actually running.
In my mind I am thinking----Well, Dr. Goldstein, it is working. Due to my NYU degree, I have learned to ask questions and investigate before drawing conclusions....after calling the lab to confirm what time the specimen in question was completed, it makes sense that no report was ready because it hasn't been run yet.----however, I verbalize the following:
"I don't know what happened, but I will talk with the MA who checked the labs and confirm with the lab what time the specimen was ready"
Dr. Goldstein replies, "yeah, well, that always seems to be the answer. With all this education around here why are things NOT WORKING."
Surprisingly, I didn't get upset, but rather began to ponder......Alyce, why are you working here? Is this what you doled out thousands of dollars at NYU to become? The worker bee for some crazy doctor?
NO......but yet, I am still here......devising a plan to take over NYC...with my three best friends.
The stories goes like this......since I graduated from NYU, it is presumed that I am a mini Einstein, thus, I can handle the tasks of 80 workers at once and within a 9-5 time frame. While I'd like to think NYU had nothing to do with the fact that I couple common sense with time management skills, I rarely correct people that attribute my work success to NYU because it cost so much to attend that school.
Yesterday, however, my intellect came into question for reasons beyond my control. In medicine, timing is everything.....if you are late for an appointment, you ruin the day; if the doctor is late, that ruins my day (as a receptionist dealing with disgruntle patients) and most of all, if someone messes up medical paperwork that ruins the entire offices day....why?....because the tyrannical Mr.Goldstein quickly turns into Mr. Hyde
In the midst of his rant....he proclaims that with all these college educated people working for him, why isn't his system for lab work working? Of course he doesn't think it is working because he doesn't know how the system he devised is actually running.
In my mind I am thinking----Well, Dr. Goldstein, it is working. Due to my NYU degree, I have learned to ask questions and investigate before drawing conclusions....after calling the lab to confirm what time the specimen in question was completed, it makes sense that no report was ready because it hasn't been run yet.----however, I verbalize the following:
"I don't know what happened, but I will talk with the MA who checked the labs and confirm with the lab what time the specimen was ready"
Dr. Goldstein replies, "yeah, well, that always seems to be the answer. With all this education around here why are things NOT WORKING."
Surprisingly, I didn't get upset, but rather began to ponder......Alyce, why are you working here? Is this what you doled out thousands of dollars at NYU to become? The worker bee for some crazy doctor?
NO......but yet, I am still here......devising a plan to take over NYC...with my three best friends.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
The Clash of the Coffee Cups
I am usually not a big coffee drinker and prefer to get energy by enjoying simple things in life, a nice walk in the park, an early morning workout or a high protein breakfast, but for some, coffee is the drug of choice to get them moving in the morning. In the work world, there seems to be some code where the coffee you buy is a reflection of your status in life.
Peculiarly enough, I have been studying this phenomenon for weeks and have concluded some things. For those Wall-Streeters, Starbucks seems to be king. Those little mocha-latte-venti-double shot-yadda-yaddas seem to be all the rage for commuters past Chambers Street in downtown Manhattan. The sleek design of these cups are easily recognizable and I guess this may be indicative of the investment banking types....branding is important so make your first impression the best. However, for us "workin' class folk" I have noticed that we tend to choose Dunkin' Donuts or corner store coffee varieties. Not that these are any less better, but they are less of a burden on our budgets.
The showdown often doesn't happen on the trains, but when we arrive at work each day....that's when the battle begins. Each morning when I arrive at work, I like to watch as each of my co-workers arrives yielding their sword (coffee cup) in hand. The corner store coffee crew comes in at two waves 8AM and 9AM with their 7-11 super milky coffees that reflect their lack of taste for coffee save it having a lot of milk and sugar. The mid-morning crew is the Starbucks crew with coffee that is semi-dark and finally comes the boss, who...you guessed it....drinks his coffee BLACK. And this isn't coffee that you would buy at Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts, this is gourmet coffee imported from some remote island that only him and one other person in all of Manhattan are privileged enough to drink at the moment.
As I sit back with my oatmeal and Greek yogurt, I wonder how this all started. How we are all sizing each other up based on our ability to buy coffee....a beverage that many of us don't like but feel it is part of the working code that we must all participate in. Can a man or woman be measured by the amount he/she decides to spend on coffee?
Well, luckily for me, I will finally be able to participate in this battle until the end of the month.....why, you ask?....Well, one of our patients who decided to give me a treat for allowing her to arrive 30 minutes late for her appointment decided to bless me with Dunkin' Donuts free iced coffee booklet good for the entire month of June. I wouldn't actually spend my own resources to be part of this battle.....I will leave that for another one that I am passionate about.......say maybe lunchbox brawls.....!
Peculiarly enough, I have been studying this phenomenon for weeks and have concluded some things. For those Wall-Streeters, Starbucks seems to be king. Those little mocha-latte-venti-double shot-yadda-yaddas seem to be all the rage for commuters past Chambers Street in downtown Manhattan. The sleek design of these cups are easily recognizable and I guess this may be indicative of the investment banking types....branding is important so make your first impression the best. However, for us "workin' class folk" I have noticed that we tend to choose Dunkin' Donuts or corner store coffee varieties. Not that these are any less better, but they are less of a burden on our budgets.
The showdown often doesn't happen on the trains, but when we arrive at work each day....that's when the battle begins. Each morning when I arrive at work, I like to watch as each of my co-workers arrives yielding their sword (coffee cup) in hand. The corner store coffee crew comes in at two waves 8AM and 9AM with their 7-11 super milky coffees that reflect their lack of taste for coffee save it having a lot of milk and sugar. The mid-morning crew is the Starbucks crew with coffee that is semi-dark and finally comes the boss, who...you guessed it....drinks his coffee BLACK. And this isn't coffee that you would buy at Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts, this is gourmet coffee imported from some remote island that only him and one other person in all of Manhattan are privileged enough to drink at the moment.
As I sit back with my oatmeal and Greek yogurt, I wonder how this all started. How we are all sizing each other up based on our ability to buy coffee....a beverage that many of us don't like but feel it is part of the working code that we must all participate in. Can a man or woman be measured by the amount he/she decides to spend on coffee?
Well, luckily for me, I will finally be able to participate in this battle until the end of the month.....why, you ask?....Well, one of our patients who decided to give me a treat for allowing her to arrive 30 minutes late for her appointment decided to bless me with Dunkin' Donuts free iced coffee booklet good for the entire month of June. I wouldn't actually spend my own resources to be part of this battle.....I will leave that for another one that I am passionate about.......say maybe lunchbox brawls.....!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
No Dogs Allowed
Its a weird phenomenon in New York that seems to have not made it to the South. This is partly because we have so much more space that we wouldn't think of doing this, but there still is no explanation to this peculiar practice. What I'm referring to is this idea that dogs---our family pets---are somehow equivalent to humans and are like children.
I first noticed this when walking on the streets of New York, I would see people with dogs in strollers meant for babies. Then I would inadvertently cross the path of a dog and be reprimanded by an angry owner as if I had sideswiped their first born child. The ultimate crazy act is the notion that these dogs are welcome in restaurants and stores as if they possess the same purchasing power as their owners. No longer are they confined to their real environment, that being nature, but are a member of the human society club and have first class memberships in all buildings that their owners have access to.
The worst seems to be when dogs are brought into the doctor's office. I mean, not only is this a health violation, it is rude. Why, ma'am are you bringing your teacup Yorkie in this family practice office? I definitely didn't see lil' Coco's name on the schedule for today. And furthermore, with all the allergies that these little kids have these days, we are liable to be sued because you decided that Coco just had to come with you to your doctor's appointment today.
The conversations between these "mothers" usually goes as follows:
Hi, I'm here for my 2:00 with Dr. ____
Okay, I've checked you in, but your dog will need to remain outside until after your appointment
Oh, no, that's okay, Coco is hypoallergenic
before I answer this question, I like to gather myself...I feel like my NYU degree has purpose and like to take in the moment as long as possible
Ma'am, hypoallergenic simply means less of an allergen. There is no dog that is devoid of causing a person allergies so long as it has hair, skin, saliva and is breathing. Therefore, the fact that your dog has already entered the office means that if someone with severe allergies were to enter the office, they may be at risk of dying.
After this speech.....I wait....I let the weight of the information set in and relish in the reaction
Perplexed, but with a crooked smile, she places CoCo outside and takes her seat until her name is called.
Whenever I get the chance to explain this harsh reality to patients, I feel sad. It's like a mother realizing her child is the bully at the sandbox that no one wants to play with. It reminds them that their dog is a dog and is not their "BFF". He is a companion, but not a child.
Only in the office do I have my little victories over these Dog Moms. Outside of my 9-5 palace, I am but a subject to the Dog Moms of New York......but in the office, I'm the Queen....and what the Queen says....GOES.
I first noticed this when walking on the streets of New York, I would see people with dogs in strollers meant for babies. Then I would inadvertently cross the path of a dog and be reprimanded by an angry owner as if I had sideswiped their first born child. The ultimate crazy act is the notion that these dogs are welcome in restaurants and stores as if they possess the same purchasing power as their owners. No longer are they confined to their real environment, that being nature, but are a member of the human society club and have first class memberships in all buildings that their owners have access to.
The worst seems to be when dogs are brought into the doctor's office. I mean, not only is this a health violation, it is rude. Why, ma'am are you bringing your teacup Yorkie in this family practice office? I definitely didn't see lil' Coco's name on the schedule for today. And furthermore, with all the allergies that these little kids have these days, we are liable to be sued because you decided that Coco just had to come with you to your doctor's appointment today.
The conversations between these "mothers" usually goes as follows:
Hi, I'm here for my 2:00 with Dr. ____
Okay, I've checked you in, but your dog will need to remain outside until after your appointment
Oh, no, that's okay, Coco is hypoallergenic
before I answer this question, I like to gather myself...I feel like my NYU degree has purpose and like to take in the moment as long as possible
Ma'am, hypoallergenic simply means less of an allergen. There is no dog that is devoid of causing a person allergies so long as it has hair, skin, saliva and is breathing. Therefore, the fact that your dog has already entered the office means that if someone with severe allergies were to enter the office, they may be at risk of dying.
After this speech.....I wait....I let the weight of the information set in and relish in the reaction
Perplexed, but with a crooked smile, she places CoCo outside and takes her seat until her name is called.
Whenever I get the chance to explain this harsh reality to patients, I feel sad. It's like a mother realizing her child is the bully at the sandbox that no one wants to play with. It reminds them that their dog is a dog and is not their "BFF". He is a companion, but not a child.
Only in the office do I have my little victories over these Dog Moms. Outside of my 9-5 palace, I am but a subject to the Dog Moms of New York......but in the office, I'm the Queen....and what the Queen says....GOES.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
911 or Leave a Message, That is the Question!
It's a funny thing to work as a receptionist in a Family Practice office. The funny thing is, you are often confused with having some innate medical knowledge by virtue of picking up the phone. It's as if the new thing for patients to do is to rely on the critical thinking skills of an anonymous phone person than their own common sense.
New parents are the funniest. They will often place you in the driver's seat of the "Decision Making" tour bus and rely on your every twist and turn to arrive safely at "We Avoided This Crisis" Hotel.
Today's conversation ran as such:
Parent: "my child seems to be blue and is having difficulty breathing, what do you think I should do?"
Me: "call 911 or go the emergency room, ma'am. Not breathing is a medical emergency"
Parent: "...wellllll.....are you sure? I mean, would it be better if I just came down to the office? I mean I'm not sure if he is really NOT breathing or if he is even blue for that matter..........."
Immediately my mind begins to race and the real me wants to say:
"Listen Lady, I don't have any kids and the first thing you are taught in school is that if someone isn't breathing you call 911.....I mean....the only real number you are REQUIRED to remember in order to graduate kindergarten IS 911....did your Mom brain kick that precious three digit number out to make room for napping and feeding times?"
However, the professional me replied:
"Ma'am please do not wait, go straight to the ER NOW! One of our doctors will call to follow up with you in the morning."
I wonder sometimes, if technology has crippled society! I mean...the creation of these medical records was phenomenal and saves a heck of a lot of time....but what about all these other things that don't allow you brain to think anymore? Like all these applications that do everything short of breathing for you? Have we forgotten the simple lessons from our youth? Or has this crazy thing called adulthood blinded us to the harsh reality that things aren't really as complicated as they seem and everything that we think is "childish" is really logical and life saving?
Well, I'm just a receptionist trying to find my place in the world, but I hope, if needed, I will know when to call 911 or leave a message for my doctor!
New parents are the funniest. They will often place you in the driver's seat of the "Decision Making" tour bus and rely on your every twist and turn to arrive safely at "We Avoided This Crisis" Hotel.
Today's conversation ran as such:
Parent: "my child seems to be blue and is having difficulty breathing, what do you think I should do?"
Me: "call 911 or go the emergency room, ma'am. Not breathing is a medical emergency"
Parent: "...wellllll.....are you sure? I mean, would it be better if I just came down to the office? I mean I'm not sure if he is really NOT breathing or if he is even blue for that matter..........."
Immediately my mind begins to race and the real me wants to say:
"Listen Lady, I don't have any kids and the first thing you are taught in school is that if someone isn't breathing you call 911.....I mean....the only real number you are REQUIRED to remember in order to graduate kindergarten IS 911....did your Mom brain kick that precious three digit number out to make room for napping and feeding times?"
However, the professional me replied:
"Ma'am please do not wait, go straight to the ER NOW! One of our doctors will call to follow up with you in the morning."
I wonder sometimes, if technology has crippled society! I mean...the creation of these medical records was phenomenal and saves a heck of a lot of time....but what about all these other things that don't allow you brain to think anymore? Like all these applications that do everything short of breathing for you? Have we forgotten the simple lessons from our youth? Or has this crazy thing called adulthood blinded us to the harsh reality that things aren't really as complicated as they seem and everything that we think is "childish" is really logical and life saving?
Well, I'm just a receptionist trying to find my place in the world, but I hope, if needed, I will know when to call 911 or leave a message for my doctor!
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