Gym Buddies

According to L, there are a few things that can make or break your standing in New York society. As a girl raised in the hood who navigated her way into the investment banking world, she knows a thing or two about being on the right side of New York society. One of the main things she advocates is being connected to the right gym.

While at NYU, we all pretty much didn't care about they gym other than to go and scope out guys, but L has insisted that the same thing applies. She says that, "Where you choose to work out is as important as the type of clothes you wear; it's a part of your brand." Well, my brand says that I am too cheap to care about where I go to sweat off all these extra pounds I have accumulated during my post college years. I am a proud member of Planet Fitness, that doubles as a "club" after 7PM on weeknights and costs a whopping 10 dollars a month.

However, I am a morning gym-goer and thus am part of an elite group of people that are committed to improving one's health. At 6 AM, men are not trying to get numbers, girls are not trying to look cute; people are sweating, grunting and over exerting themselves before succumbing to the 9-5 coma.

As usual, I get a call from L during my lunch break saying that she has devised another scheme to "get men"..something that has become one of the girls favorite pastimes since we left college. She got word of a networking event at her gym, Equinox, and thinks it would a great place for all four of us to meet some men.

Usually, I can think of an excuse at the drop of a dime, but somehow, L knew my schedule was free mentioning, "I know you don't have to tutor and you are free this week because I checked your calendars while we were at your apartment, so me, you B and K will be at this event tonight! Love ya...gotta go!"

As the clock strikes 5 PM and I emerge from my coma, I start to conjure up all the ways that I can exit this event early........

"oh, I just forgot, I have to pick up my dry cleaning"...

"my landlord says he needs to do routine maintenance tonight and can't reschedule"....

"I think I left the stove on...gotta run"......

In the middle of these thoughts, my cell rings and L yells loud and clear "Come downstairs, A, the company car is here to take us to the event!"

As I jump in the car, I see B, L and K dressed like some 1980's video hoes...and they look at me and say "You look like you are going to pick up the kids from soccer practice after a quick gym session"......with that being said....B, L & K whip out their beauty kits. This is something the girls frequently do, since they know I don't get dolled up for any of these New York events and can't stand to be seen with me without having "my face on".....

As we arrive at Equinox, the fun begins. L wasn't lying about the gym reflecting your status in New York Society. Some of the sexiest professional brothers in New York were at this event and I was glad that the beauty patrol took care of me in the car. The fact that we were all dressed in spandex made matters worse; there was NOTHING left to the imagination and eyes were racing up and down our silhouettes.

Being in the event reminded me of all the endless nights me B, L & K spent in the clubs in college. While they were like lionesses on the hunt, I was the friend that watched the purses, monitored where everyone was and arranged for us to leave before the club lights came on. However, tonight was different. Because I had been committed to my gym routines, all my hard work had paid off and my physique was easily one of the top ten in the room.

Men were actually coming up to me, for all the wrong reasons, but they were coming up to me nonetheless. I KNEW this was eating L alive because she craved the attention of men and usually got it because of her looks and wild girl demeanor. Also because she was glaring at me from across the room anytime another man would come to talk to me shortly after one had left.

Throughout the night, I exchanged casual conversation with lawyers, brokers, real estate agents, doctors, etc. but none of them interested me. Rather then telling me who they were, they told me what they did as if they were the sum total of their accomplishments. The attention was great, since it got under L's skin, but overall I saw no potential boos.

After the event came to a close the girls and I went out for drinks to recap the night.

L admittedly confessed she was surprised at all the attention I got and thought I should come back to participate in some of the co-ed classes/networking events the company sponsored at the gym. I declined and said Planet Fitness would be all the gym exposure I could take,.....for now.

While I usually get the short end of the stick when it comes to meeting guys during these schemes L creates, I am happy to say that this one left me feeling like I still got it!

Dressing for the Occasion

As a twenty-something working in a casual, laid-back, "hip" doctor's office, I can get away with wearing a lot of things that my girls B, L & K can't but I still don't push my luck. Somewhere ingrained in the back of my mind is that you are always under scrutiny...that while everyone else may come to work lookin' like a scrub, you better always be dressed a notch above the rest. This is in part to my Southern upbringing, but also in part to my friend L, schooling me on how to make it in the business world of New York. She has made it a point the belabor the fact that us sistahs have got to always be ahead of the pack....in all aspects. She has managed to work her way up in rank at the investment banking firm she works at so I always listen to her advice.

Needless to say, while I observe the always-dress-a-step-above rule, my coworkers have taken the liberty of showcasing their complete summer wardrobes...or lack thereof. It all started so subtly, when the summer heat started to become steady, people began shedding their winter layers. And then.....one day....BAM.....the outrageousness hit the office like a ton of bricks.

Returning to work on Monday, it's as if these ladies forgot that the weekend ended. The doctors came in decked out in dresses with their backs out....flip-flops....and exposed cleavage. The Office Manager...totally took the cake with her rendition of Daisy Duke meets New York office manager. I have never seen a professional woman wear something so provocative outside of a beach in my life. And the worst part was that they were complimenting each other on their outfits...like it was a trashy couture fashion show.

Needless to say, I had to let L, K and B know how crazy these women were so I sent them some pictures....................WHY did I do this? B, once seeing the pictures, immediately posts them to her website as the fashion mishaps of the day and casually forgets to hide their identity! Luckily.....her site hasn't taken off yet, but it was funny seeing the comments about their outfits!

Ahhhh....just when I think I can't take these clowns, they give me something to laugh at.

Throwing You Under the Bus

In the world of 9-5 there is one thing that a young, college grad must realize....and realize quickly......that the real world is all about survival of the fittest. I have learned that while my NYU degree will lend me credibility amongst the "intellectuals" at work.....the "commoners" on my job are secretly out to get me.

Not that I have anything against people that didn't go to college because some of the smartest people I know didn't go to college......like B's mom, and yet they are doing far better than I am working as a receptionist at this practice. But I do have something against my coworkers, particularly the boss's daughter Gabrielle, that don't like me because I did and who, at every opportunity, try to throw me under the bus......this all happened when I came back from the impromptu weekend with B, K and L.

Coming back on a Monday morning, I was feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the Monday morning work monster when.........BAM.....first thing in the morning, the office manager warns me that, "Dr. Goldstein went on a rampage about the labs so be on the lookout."

I felt my stomach tightening and immediately ran to the nearest computer to start assessing the damage.....the last thing I needed today was for hurricane Goldstein to wreak havoc on me at the beginning of the week.

Looking over the labs, I could see that something TERRIBLE had gone wrong......somehow the well oiled machine that I was managing suddenly seemed like a rickety old metal clunker. In the span of the two days that I was out of the office, Gabrielle had not only ruined my whole system, but managed to make it seem like it was ALL MY FAULT........I knew this meant only one thing......rely on the evidence!

A long time ago, when my work worries first began, L, my investment banking friend from the hood, told me to remember what a wise man by the name of Jay-Z once told her, "men lie, women lie, but numbers don't." With that being said, I started to gather the facts.....

One thing I had in my corner was that I personally trained Gabrielle for two straight days and had her physically do everything I was responsible for. In addition to this "on the job training", I gave her a detailed protocol of everything that had to be done.......but did she follow it? OF COURSE NOT.....she used this opportunity to get back at me for the many times that I exposed how worthless she is working in the office......

When hurricane Goldstein came, both of us were armed with our defenses, but I allowed her to go first...knowing that she would exhaust all her points in one breath. After she did it was my turn....

As Dr. Goldstein's tirade came to a pause where I was able to explain myself....I took a deep breath and began..

Me: "So based on the date of the labs, it seems like the mistakes were made on labs that came in on the days I was out of the office"

Dr.G: "Yeah, well I guess you just leave and say 'that's it, not my problem' and the whole thing falls apart"

Me:"No. I actually care about this system and am surprised that these errors occurred since I have a detailed
protocol for Gabrielle to follow and allowed her to do my entire job for two days?"

.....glancing at her I asked slyly....

"What happened while I was gone? Did you not look over the protocol?"

Dr.G: "Well, the deal is this....I have so many offices and I need this to be down pat! So make sure
everything is smooth Alyce, got it!"

Me: "OK. "

If you all could have seen her face....she looked like someone slapped her for five minutes, she was red as a radish and dumbfounded....her plan was foiled and literally came back to smack her in the face....

Although I have lost many battles to this chick....today....I was able to successful throw HER under the bus....

Summertime Preparation

The great thing about college, besides the crazy parties, is the friendships that are cemented during the short time you are there. While at NYU, I was blessed to meet 3 ladies that have changed my life--for better and for worse. Now, normally I am the conservative, reserved one out of the bunch although I do let loose when the time calls for it, but this.......this was CRAZY.

Given that it is summer time, my girls, B, L & K, convinced me that we are going to rent a car for the day and head out to the beach for some fun in the sun. I agreed since I won't be heading home for the holiday and was excited to see what they had planned. However, what I didn't know was that I had to participate in their "preparation rituals". The last time we went to the pool, I was so self conscience....why you ask?.........Well, their impromptu ambush of me at my apartment didn't lend much time to make sure I had shed my winter Chewbaka skin....needless to say....I was PISSED.

So this time, my ladies wanted me to be "prepared"

Ok, so after getting a call from B, I was instructed to meet them at V Spa after work...no questions asked. Normally when B says no questions asked....that means it's something that they all want me to do, but if I start asking questions...I will reveal how there is NO logic to their request and then ruin the entire operation.

Nevertheless.....leaving work, I met B and the girls at V spa and to my present surprise was enlisted to have my first bikini wax.....ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I nearly ran outta the store had they all three not formed a human barricade after I heard the receptionist repeat what I was scheduled for.

After my initial shock, my friends reassured me, "Alyce....we come here all the time and our 'lady', Heidi, is gentle"

I replied, "Cool, well, how about each one of you go....and after I see your reactions, I will follow suit."

They agreed and one by one they went in with their "lady" and left seemingly unscathed.

So, when it was my turn, I was relaxed, until their "lady" announced it was now her lunch break and she would be back in 30 minutes! I felt like God gave me a way out....turning to L, B and K, I announced, "Well, guess that settles that, no waxing for me!"

However, just as I was feeling like I was off the hook, a big, burly woman by the name of OLGA said she would cover for Heidi......

I could have DIED....this woman looked like she could do some MAJOR damage......nevertheless, I followed her and endured this god-awful beauty ritual.....

I swear....V Spa has that name because it specializes in the collection of V's. I felt like I left part of myself on those strips!!! How could my girls do this on a regular basis? It wasn't painful, but it wasn't a bowl of vanilla ice cream either!

Awww......anyways, I love my ladies....and this experience is what us young working stiffs do to find joy between our 9-5 prison sentences.....