Dining With a Diva

We all have that girlfriend...the one who makes every dining occasion a disaster. Aside from grabbing a few cocktails and appetizers, anything that requires ordering an entree becomes a nightmare waiting to unfold.

Well, B happens to be that friend. No matter how many times we go out to dinner, nothing is ever good for her. It has gotten to the point that we rarely mention our dinner dates to her unless we know she has to help with her mother's businesses and won't be able to attend.
This particular night, we decided to revisit the issue of dining with her for our long awaited girl's night out. Since we have all been so busy, we decided to clear our schedules and have a "catch up dinner".

Man oh man, things couldn't have been worse. I chose to go to one of my favorite Thai restaurants on 96th street in the hopes that B would realize this is a place I frequent so acting like a diva would not be in her best interest. Sitting down to the table, B already began her rant....

B:"mmmmm..."
US: "WHAT?!"
B: "Oh nothing, I can just tell my the silverware that they don't have the most up to date appliances for washing their utensils, which means who knows how sanitary these conditions are here?"

L:"B, please, that Chinese joint yall running ain't up to NO Body's code and shoulda been shut down. If it wasn't in the hood, the Health Department would have closed that shot "long time go'" "

Me: "Alright ladies, this is one of my favorite spots, so tonight check your comments--(looking at L)---and your diva status--(looking at B)--at the door and let's have a good time."

Not only did they not listen, the conversation just got worse.....B was only fixated on critiquing every detail of the restaurant, the menu, the waitress, the decor, etc. and L was only concerned about joking on how she is subscribing to the typical stereotypes of her being both Black and Asian.

Surprisingly, K and I decided to have our own little conversation where I told her I had recently taken an interest in cooking "exotic" meals which had given me something to look forward to while slaving away at the office.

When our food finally came, it was like you could hear a pin drop. We were eating as if this was the best food ever, until B took one bite and begin her food critiquing phase. Since B has worked in her mother's restaurants all her life, she has an intimate understanding of food preparation and a developed a sophisticated palate that enables her to criticize anyone's cooking with a chemists precision!

Before she even began her breakdown, I got up, paid for my food and BOUNCED. Well, I didn't really leave, I waited outside for K to come and cool me off. When B finally came outside, I left her have it.

One thing the girls know me for is my perfected art of "polite rudeness". Embedded in most Southern girls DNA is the ability to cut someone with their words in the most elegant and sophisticated way. I began to tell her how her actions were so immature and reflective of many things in her life and upbringing that aren't the best qualities an upwardly mobile individual should have. After going on for nearly a solid minute...the girls finally stopped me for fear that B would burst into tears!

I know it was wrong, but I had had enough of what was supposed to be a night of fun with the girls. After saying a cold goodbye, I hailed a cab and heading back to Harlem.

I was done dining with that diva for at least the next three months!